The Definitely Not Gay Shopping Trip
by Avenging221B
Summary: Tony Stark thinks John Watson needs a new wardrobe, things go haywire
1. Chapter 1

It wasn't like John went shopping often. He was always running off into the streets with Sherlock, solving crimes or catching serial killers. But Tony insisted on John getting a new wardrobe for the upcoming fall. Once Tony made up his mind there was no turning back.

Tony was in town and decided to meet John at the nearest shopping center. He pulls into the parking lot with his lavish Ferrari ignoring the usual glares of people admiring the fine piece of machinery he was driving. He normally went shopping in places like New York, but he wasn't here for himself. He exited the car and walked toward the entrance of Macy's.

"Hi Tony!" John greets the man with a crooked smile and half wave.

Tony looks at John's attire and sneers "John, no wonder you never get laid." As Tony opens the door he looks back at the man, noticing John's sudden irritability at his statement about getting laid

"Please don't tell me you're fucking Cheekbones. You're taking it up the butt from Cheekbones aren't you?"

John stops when both men are inside the store. A slight flash of annoyance appears on this face before he reminds himself that he needs to control his temper.

"No I am not sleeping with him! Number one, his name is Sherlock. Number two, I am _certainly_ NOT gay! Now can we please do what we came here to do?" John tries not to overreact, and starts to head toward the men's section.

*Gay, Gay, Gay* Is all that's floating through Tony's mind as he follows John down the department store walkways and up the slow escalator. Tony wonders what It would be like to get with an Army Doctor, but then he is distracted when he notices a sweater John has picked up.

"What is that thing" Tony takes his hand and flops the sleeve around awkwardly.

John innocently looks over "Its a Jumper, I like it"

"No you don't" Tony snatches the hanger out of John's hands and then goes rushing though the tight isles between packed clothes racks. He picks up a few things and doesn't even ask John's opinion. Instead he shoves them toward John and pushes him toward the fitting room.

John tries to talk to Tony but before he can get a word out he is shoved into a fitting room with a bunch of clothes he doesn't like. He thinks about pulling the 'it doesn't fit move' but Tony would find a way around that one too.

As Tony waits for John, he lingers outside the dressing room and glances at his phone. He opens up the alarms section, sets the alarm to 9PM, and begins to type.

"John Watson is sleeping with Cheekbones. Don't forget to ask Jarvis how long it'll be before they come out of the closet."

As soon as Tony finished typing his little reminder, he spots John emerging from his dressing room "They fit?" Tony asks with some real enthusiasm in his voice.

"Yeah, they fit alright. I just don't really li-" John is cut off when Tony grabs the clothes and heads to the checkout. John has no idea what he is going to do with all this stuff he isn't going to wear. He starts to grab his wallet but Tony stops him.

"Its on me. Don't worry" Tony looks at John for a few seconds and smirks. He slightly tilts his head and almost giggles "Have you ever noticed you kinda look like a hedgehog?"

The army doctor feels flustered and runs his fingers through his hair nervously "No, no one has ever told me that one before." John starts to walk toward the entrance to the rest of the mall when Tony rushes ahead of him and quickly spins around to face him.

"JOHN! I have a brilliant Idea. Follow me and don't ask any questions"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two of this story gets more serious than I expected! Things may get NC17 very soon! Johnlock is in the air xx

* * *

Tony rushes off with John following close behind. Soon they are standing right in front of a Victoria's Secret. Tony grab's John's wrist and pulls him into the store. "Looks like you and Cheekbones will have a crazy night tonight!"

Tony smirks at John, but the army doctor doesn't seem amused at all. John fumes with embarrassment along with anger. John storms out of the store screaming

"Im not with Sherlock and I AM NOT GAY"

Tony just stands there in awe. 'I thought it was funny' Tony mumbles to himself as he sees the man storm out of the store and back into the mall. He decides to try to hunt John down, not to apologize. He knows john is gay. No question about it. The problem is getting it out of this guy and thats why he needs to find him.

John storms off the the food court. Ok, he may have a little crush on Sherlock. But he is sick and tired of being deduced every second of everyday. Cant he just have some privacy?

Tony sees John sitting at a table alone in the corner. He sits at the small metal table facing John and raises his eyebrow.

"Come on Johnny Boy. Admit it, you were eyeing that corset. Most likely imagining Sherlock in that corset, high heels, matching garter belt."

John turns a bright shade of crimson. He tries to hid his face but does a terrible job. Just imagining Sherlock in that attire sends shivers down his spine. "I might have a little thing for him, but I will tell you right now we are NOT shagging. Anyways, he is married to his job or some other bollocks"

"Well think of it this way Hedgehoggy, you work with him all the time. You've become part of his work. I think you should go for him." Tony's face suddenly lights up and he gives John a cheeky grin "Hey, I thought you _weren't_ gay?"

John squints his eyes "Im not gay just confused. But I'm not confused about this" John gets up from the table and walks back to the lingerie store. He tries his best to guess Sherlock's size and buys all the proper gear he will be needing. The cashier gives him a sideways glare when he cashes out "Are you sure these will fit"

"Not for me." John decides to be blunt. He wants to get out of that store as soon as possible. When we walks out of the store he sees Tony leaning against a wall typing on his IPhone. John would ask what he's doing but he figures it's business.

'Tell Jarvis to forget about John' Is what Tony actually is typing into his phone as he sees the small man walk toward him. Pieces of Pink tissue paper blossom from the top of the striped bag John is carrying. Tony decides not to question whats inside "If you want i'll give you a ride back to your flat, seems like you're going to be very busy with" Tony gestures toward the bag "all this"

John doesn't think his face is capable of becoming any more red than it already is. He decided to stay silent all the way through the mall and even when they got into Tony's car. He was trying to plan out how this crazy idea could work.

"Just think" Tony says while driving out of the parking lot "Just a simple idea like going shopping can turn into a gay confession and lingerie shopping for your wanna be lover" That's just it, John thought. Just one idea can change everything.


End file.
